Momentum and Collisional Energy Considerations of Cryogenically Stored Twinkies(R).

Mush Boy -- Altered State University
Gutter Girl and Mint Woman -- "People for the Un-Ethical Treatment of TWINKIES" (PUTT)
Cat R. Wall -- National Alternate Energy Commission

Abstract

We believe that the internal structural properties of TWINKIES can be effectively studied through cryogenic alteration of their intrinsic elasticity followed by application of sudden shocks. We have discovered two phenomena which may be worthy of further investigation -- Twinkie Fission and Twinkie Adhesion Molecular Effect (TAME). Each are described in detail and commented upon.

Introduction

We began our project by procuring two TWINKIES (R) brand snack cake (designated "Pinky" and "Whiny" at the insistence of PUTT members for reasons unknown to the rest of the team) from the Harvard Market on Washington Avenue in Minneapolis, MN (USA). Each Twinkie was sale priced at 49.5 cents US and are included on the attached budget summary. The TWINKIES were not the normal variety, but instead were the "Low Fat TWINKIES" touted to have over 70 percent less fat than regular TWINKIES. Effects of the lower fat on experimental results have not been considered in this preliminary report and must await further study. Liquid Nitrogen was appropriated from the Infrared Laboratory -- reimbursment for the material is applied for under this grant proposal, and the following experiment was run.

Procedure

Cryogenesis of Pinky the Twinkie

"Pinky" was removed from the package. Note that Pinky's expiration date was August 21st and the date of the experiment was August 16, 1995. No year was given for the expiration of Pinky, but must be assumed to be much larger than 1995. For an explanation of this assertion, we evoke to the cosmological principle as follows:

We cannot be priviliged observers in the universe. The chance that a Twinkie would pass its expiration date is incredibly small. Therefore, having a Twinkie near its expiration date would make the experimental team priviliged observers. This is in violation of the basic assumptions of cosmology.

Gutter Girl proceeded to insure that Pinky was actually a Twinkie by to smell and texture. An experiment was proposed by Mush Boy to actually taste the Twinkie, but PETA protests prevented this from occuring (See figure to left for a record of this examination). Note the characteristic "cream holes" which make a simple axisymmetric cylindrical model of the Twinkie impractical. (See figure to left)

Ambient temperature in the laboratory was 17.8 C and Pinky was allowed to enter thermal equilibrium with his surroundings. The liquid nitrogen (LN2) temperature was poured into the Subway mug (see figures in sequence below). The LN2 was at a temperature of -96 C and after immersion Pinky was allowed to come into thermal equilibrium with the nitrogen. (Note an attached expermental expense incurred through the accidental destruction of the thermal Subway mug.)

This sequence of photos above shows the procedure used to cool Pinky the Twinkie.

Assuming the specific heat of TWINKIES is between that of Paraffin (0.69 cal/g-C) and Rubber (0.48 cal/g-C) (NOTE: This is not that incredible of an assumption.) this implies that the total energy changed of the Twinkie (mass 36.4 g) was:
2.07 kcal

We observing in this experiment that on the macro level no state change occured in the Twinkie. Further experiments into the latent heat of fusion and vaporization of TWINKIES must be made and will be the subject of a future paper (Grant pending).

Conversion of Twinkie Gravitational Potential Energy

We removed Pinky from the Subway mug with a standard set of Ice Pincers (A necessity in Minnesota), and incurred additional irreparable damage to [Even Colder Twinkie]

the mug. We were not daunted, however, as only one member of the group had sacrificed the mug and this was in the name of science.

Pinky was suspended from the ice pincers a distance of 96.5 cm above the floor. This distance was chosen because it was distance from the waist of Cat R. Wall to the floor. On the count of three, Pinky was to be dropped and the resulting image recorded for the world. Mush Boy counted and Cat R. Wall was to drop. On the count of three something unfortunate happened. The pincers were stuck in Pinky's creamy filling hole (So as not to violate recently passed federal laws, the authors wish to note that this last statement is only supposed to evoke G-rated images here folks.) The image was taken, but unfortunately Pinky's plunge came about two seconds later, causing the impact to be censored from our [Broken Twinkie] observations. A second image was taken, but this occured several seconds after impact. This image (shown to the right) shows Pinky splattered all over the lab floor. Gutter Girl measured the total length of the debris field left by the superficially damaged Pinky to be 56.5 +/- 0.5 cm.

For the height of the drop and the mass of Pinky the parameters of the collision were:

Mass of Pinky: 36.4 grams
Height above the Floor: 96.5 cm
g locally (estimated): 9.8 m/s
Energy of the fall: 0.34 Joules
Velocity at impact: 4.34 m/s
Momentum of Collision: 0.15 kg-m/s
Number of Separate Fragments: 13

A complete analysis of the Kinematics of the Collision is forthcoming. A major part of the new grant application will fund the ability to make an MPEG of the collision for a computer model under development by Wall and Boy.

Application of Shock to a Cryogenically Cooled Twinkie

Pinky was re-immersed in the LN2. After placing Pinky on the Floor, Mush Boy [Twinkie and Hammer]

used a hammer to strike Pinky amidships. The initial result stunned the research team -- Pinky had completely vanished before our very eyes!!!!! Unfortunately we were plagued by the same timing errors as before and the actual moment of the collision was lost to our visual record.

We then realized that Twinkie Debris was everywhere!!!!!!!!

[No Twinkie] "We have COMPLETE fragmentation," exclaimed Mush Boy, "there are fragments over 3.5 meters from the impact!!!!"

"We have twinkie fission, man," stated Cat R. Wall.

Mint Woman noted: "Forget the H-bomb, man! Worry about the twinkie bomb!"

Upon observing the effects of the experiment, Mush Boy said to himself quietly, "I am become Jeff, destroyer of twinkies."

Mint Woman muttered to herself, "I can't believe that I've got twinkie bits in my Subway mug. This is the last time *I* offer any of my stuff for these experiments!" (Note::In the best scientific tradition, these Twinkie [Twinkie Doo] bits were immediately given a scientific nomenclature: 'Twinkie doo' [See figure to left for image of Twinkie Doo fragment]). No one else listened however, as the results were too awesome to comprehend.

We rapidly gathered up all recoverable fragments of Twinkie Doo, and massed them. Gutter Girl noted that the Twinkie Doo exhibited a rather strong tactile adhesiveness when handled (see figure below). This is similar to the properties of the Twinkie before application of the shock.

[Sticky Twinkie Doo] Before the event, the mass of the Twinkie was 36.4 grams. All recovered Twinkie doo had a mass of 28.1 grams. Since the 8.3 gram deficit represented an energy release of 747 Tera-Joules and we were all still alive we figured that at least some portion of the Twinkie had changed state instead of being turned into pure energy.

Further examination showed that Twinkie Fission was not quite as efficient as was first imagined. The research team noticed that the desire of their feet to remain stuck to the floor increased, indicating that we had adhered a thin film of highly adhesive twinkie upon the floor. Estimating the area of the floor covered by the blast to have a radius of 3.5 meters and assuming that the size of each molecule was about 10^(-8) m in size with a layer 10000 molecules thick, we concluded that approximately 0.1 grams of twinkie were deposited into a thin layer on the floor. It was also noticed that the smell of Twinkie in the air increased suggesting that by equipartition of Twinkie Energy another 0.1 grams were released into the air. 8.1 grams of twinkie are still unaccounted for. Perhaps the ~700 Tera-Joules propelled some of the Twinkie into another dimension. This is why we need more money to continue the experiments. To find out all of the miraculous properies of the wonder "Food." Perhaps we have found the key to the tremendous energies required for interstellar travel!

Asked about her role in the experiment Gutter summed up as follows: "I am pleased the experiment went as well as it did, I am looking forward to further experiments upon the reciept of our Department of Energy (DOE) reserch grant."

Cat commented, "Gee, I was just glad to get to use the Ice Pincers."

Mint Woman later was heard to deny that she was present at the experiment, probably in connection with the adhesion layer of twinkies still covering the laboratory floor. This did not spare her from the pending lawsuits brought by anti-Twinkie activists, however.

Material Sciences Note: TWINKIES WILL negate the effects of institutional strength floor wax. It also sticks to the soles of shoes with approximately the strength of Krazy Glue (TM).

Conclusions of this Study

This study has shown that the Interstate Brands Corporation has hit on an incredible formula for a concentrated energy source. Further investigation of this phenomenon is important if we are to understand where the 700 Tera-Joules of Twinkie energy went. For this reason we propose a follow up grant with the following budgeted expenses:

Reimbursement for prelimiary work:

Two low-fat TWINKIES                           :       0.99 US
24 fluid ounces LN2                            :       0.40 US
8 person hours (15/hr)                         :     120.00 US
Subway Mug                                     :       1.49 US
==============================================================
                                                     122.88 US

Proposed grant allocation (1 year study):

4 SGI "INDY" workstations                      :  36,000.00 US
4000 assorted TWINKIES                         :   1,980.00 US
4 Graduate Students (No salary, just overhead) :  84,000.00 US
2400 Gallons LN2                               :   2,650.00 US
Conferences to Bermuda, Tahiti, Club Med       :  64,000.00 US
Toxic Waste Cleanup Contract (Out on Bids)     : 124,000.00 US
==============================================================
                                                 312,630.00 US

Alternate Sources of Funding:

EPA Superfund                                     : 100,000.00 US
Matching Funds from Interstate Brands Corporation : 156,365.00 US
Personal Contributions of researchers             :      12.43 US
===============================================================
                                                   -256,377.43 US

TOTAL GRANT REQUST:                                  56,355.45 US

We expect that our future research will be most fruitful if this grant is approved.

This experiment was conducted and paper written by several people who wish to remain mostly anonymous. The Interstate Brands Corporation DOES know about these experiments, or at least their Legal Counsel, Kim Murphy, does. The Legal Counsel called this page "interesting" in his email dated July 15, 1996. And while Interstate Brands Corporation may not approve of the tests we did to their TWINKIES(R), we are grateful for their invention of the TWINKIE(R). TWINKIE is a registered trademark of Interstate Brands Corporation.

Last Updated: Mon Jul 15 17:42:35 CDT 1996